Southerners, No Wonder that Yankee Hubby is Confused

Driving Information in the South:
It has its own version of traffic rules. The blue haired lady in the Caddy goes first. The truck with the loudest muffler goes next at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. If you don't have any of that, your are going to be waitin' a while.

The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 12:00. The afternoon rush hour is from 12:00 to 3:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday evening. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be (at the very least) rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. This applies to male and female drivers alike.

Always, always, always, find out if it is a race or football weekend before you get on any of these highways to travel somewhere. If it is a race or football weekend, stay home. You won't be going anywhere else.

Construction is a permanent fixture. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a little more interesting.

If someone has their turn signal on, wave them over to the shoulder immediately to let them know -- you can be sure it was 'accidentally activated'. The minimum acceptable speed on is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

All state highways are sponsored version of NASCAR.....

Do not gawk at the woman in the car beside you in traffic who is using a cell phone, applying make-up, drinking a Diet Coke, smoking a Marlboro, and maintaining a steady speed of 85 mph in rush hour traffic. She might be packing. If she IS packing, she is not afraid to use it.

Weather Information:
If it's 98 degrees, Thanksgiving could be next weekend. If it's 15-20 degrees and sleeting or snowing, then watch out. Residents consider this 'demolition derby' day and will be all over the roads (front-ways, sideways, etc). Please proceed with due caution.

Seasonal Information:
If you stick to the seats in your vehicle, it is Spring.
If you need to let the car 'get some air' while standing next to it with the doors open for a minute before you can stick your upper body inside to crank it and get the air going, it is Summer.
If you are sweating even with the windows down, driving 55, it is Fall.
If you finally turn the AC off and roll your windows up, it is Winter.

General Information:
If you ask someone for a 'coke,' they will often ask you, 'What kind?' This is not a trick question. Tell them what you want: Sprite, Dr.. Pepper, Root Beer, etc., it is all 'coke'.
All tea is sweet. If it's not sweet, you are in a Chinese restaurant or have crossed the Mason-Dixon Line .
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
People actually grow and eat okra.
'Fixinto' is one word.
There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
Backwards and forwards means "I know everything about you."
DGeet is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
You measure distance in minutes.
You'll probably have to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave the doors unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.
There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
The first day of deer season is a state holiday.
Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time.
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
We don't need no stinking driver's ed ... if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
If you understand these jokes please forward them to your "southern" friends (and those who just wish they were).

EVERYONE can't be a Southerner; it takes talent. You might say it's an art form or a gift from God!!

And of course I can't take credit for all this, I just edited a few parts as the original was for Alabamians.